I guess I have been a closeted writer all of my life — and for years I knew that I had a voice developing a fresh idea yearning to be heard and that a book would blossom when the time was right. What unique idea needed to be shared, born from all my years of living and loving as a woman, wife, doctor, friend, and mother — combined with my 20 years of connecting with patients and hearing their most intimate secrets?
Several years ago I became completely fascinated with menopause, especially after having been hit in the face with it myself rather earlier than expected. As crazy as it sounds, although I had already established myself as a menopause expert, it had not crossed my mind that this would actually happen to me. Sure enough, my ovaries had gone into retirement almost overnight. Around the same time, I finally mustered the courage to leave my first husband after 18 years. For years we had been completely disconnected and my sex drive was below zero. What happened next was a true spiritual awakening, during which I had my “ah-ha” moment about the book that had been silently percolating for years.
What was the connection between sex drive, the degree of relationship intimacy, spirituality and menopause? Why did my sex drive and that of so many of my patients come back with a passion when I finally decided to get divorced? What did spiritual connection and sex have in common?
My fascination with this topic led me to conduct a study of over 1000 women in the 40-65 age group to find out what was really going on in the bedroom and in women’s hearts and minds, and to use this information and the stories of many brave women who agreed to be interviewed, along with my own 51 years of life experience to create the book “Finding Your Sexy Self: Awakening to the Secrets of a Vibrant, Spiritually Connected Sex Life in Menopause and Beyond — including the five secrets of the sexually-woke.”
As the title suggests, the results of the study, my interviews, and personal experience provide a fresh and optimistic alternative to the gloomy cultural myth that sex and intimacy naturally disappear with age. My own story along with the study results confirmed that most women in midlife are certainly struggling with sexually, and many are feeling sexless and disconnected. But a much brighter possibility is revealed in which menopause can become the gateway to an even more vibrant, sexy and connected second half of life. I love the term “sexually-woke” which was how one of my patients described herself after her own spiritual and sexual awakening!
While the book will not be published until late 2019, I will be revealing excerpts and exciting findings from the study as previews to the book release on my weekly blog. I invite you to subscribe below to stay up-to-date on the progress of “Finding Your Sexy Self” as well as other topics related to living well after 40.